Friday, September 12, 2014

Cooked Monster

This story is completely false.

Once upon a time, Prince and Princess Rivet lived in a shiny castle by the sea.  They had two pet gremlins that were very fat and passed most of the day sleeping.  

Prince Rivet spent a grey and drizzly morning getting work done while Princess Rivet scrubbed the floor, cleaned the walls, and did dishes, since her twenty servants had the day off and she loved scrubbing floors above all else.  

Now Prince and Princess Rivet had nearly no food left in the castle storehouse and the closest peasant to pillage was at least an hour and a half away, and their pet gremlins periodically released a foul odor that make our noble protagonists sure these beasts were full of poison, therefore inedible.

Princess Rivet went down to the sea with the fattest gremlin and there met with fellow nobility called Sir Ed and Lady Julie, whose castle storehouse was also nearly depleted and who planned to pillage the peasants on the morrow.  They were a very charming couple and recommended many pilgrimages for Prince and Princess Rivet to make.
Here is Sir Ed with his castle.

Here is Sir Ed with Lady Julie, who does not want her likeness taken.

After parting ways, Prince and Princess Rivet took their gremlins for a stroll on the beach, where they discovered a large gathering of tiny monsters affixed to a shipwrecked mast.

They reared their heads and unfurled their furry tongues very slowly while making squelching noises.

Princess Rivet said, "Grody!  Can we eat them?" to which Prince Rivet replied, "We can sure try!" 

The Rivets slyly hinted to the hungry inhabitants of the next castle over the possibility of cooked monster, but they already had a feast planned for that evening.

With a bowl full of the slowly snapping dragons, Prince and Princess Rivet returned to their castle, boiled some water, and cooked the monsters for four minutes.  After removing the tough outer skin, the meat inside tasted just like crab or lobster and was delicious dipped in caramelized butter with a side of oyster crackers.

Prince and Princess Rivet declared it to be the best meal of the fortnight, just as the gloomy weather broke and the setting sun cast its fiery rays over the land.

Nobody got parasites and they lived happily ever after.

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