Thursday, May 1, 2014

I Couldn't Have Planned It Worse If I Tried

This post is really for the ladies and contains female situations that may not be appropriate for male audiences and has nothing about Airstreams so if you are a fella, feel free to skip this.

April 28

We are two days from liftoff and I am doing laundry at the in-law's house.

I used to take at least one bath or shower per day.  Sometimes two if I was cold or sore or even slightly dirty.  Now I am down to a two minute shower ever other day in order to conserve water, unless it is glorious laundry day when I can take a hot bath for as long as I please.  Every few weeks I also take this opportunity to dye my hair.

Today is to be my last bath for a while and I am determined to enjoy it.  But first I have to get through some chores like touching up my hair.  I have got it in my head that waxing my armpits before I leave sounds like a good idea.  You know, in order to conserve time and water in the shower.

I should have called my sister at this point and listened to the voice of reason yelling through the earpiece "DON'T DO IT" but I didn't.

I mix the hair dye with a high concentration of peroxide in the developer.  This usually results in my scalp feeling like hundreds of fire ants are crawling all over it, so I think it is a good idea to wax my armpits at the same time so that I don't concentrate on my scalp pain.  I also have a bowl of very spicy chili sitting on the counter for lunch, so that my tongue pain will distract me from my scalp and armpit pain.  Like acupuncture.

I glop my hair all up with the dye, then ladle hot wax onto my armpits.  I rip one strip of wax off and am having some serious second thoughts.  I call my sister for moral support.

After yelping and howling through the whole wax job, my armpits are painful and bleeding but I can't feel my scalp, so I count it as a minor success and move on to my spicy chili lunch.

With a burning tongue and a minute to go on my hair, the washer finishes and I shuffle the soppy pile into the dryer.  I am wearing a bath robe.

Then it happens.

The power goes out.

I assume somebody hit the transformer because I hear sirens a minute later.

I think to myself "no matter how bad this is about to get, somebody is having a worse day" as I envision myself coming home without any hair.

All of my clothes are sopping wet, so I can't just get dressed and drive back to the Airstream to wash the dye out.

With no electricity to power the water pump, I do some quick brainstorming of what I can use to rinse the dye out of my hair.  There is a full gallon of skim milk in the fridge...

But I discover that there is a small amount of cold water to be had from the tap and I fill a few cups.  I have just enough to get my hair clean and shiver in the tub contemplating the fact that this is the last bath I will probably ever have.


The power comes back on a few hours later as I sort and pack the last of our belongings from our old house.  I am able to finish laundry and Hubs comes to help me move and sort after his very last day at his job.

He ends not a moment too soon because his pants are no longer able to function as pants. 

The duct tape used to patch holes has developed holes.

The time has come to move on.

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