Saturday, February 15, 2014

How to Celebrate Valentine's Like a Grump

Most things about Valentine's day irritate me.  There is a ban in our home on cut roses, greeting cards, and boxed chocolate.

What a curmudgeon! 

Maybe.  But I have good reasons.  Greeting cards annoy me because somebody had to spend three or four dollars on a piece of paper with craft herpes glued to it (try to get rid of the red glitter that is now on your hand...) which is inscribed with terrible poetry (just because it rhymes does not a poem make) and now I feel guilty about throwing it away because you gave it to me but it is continuing to infect everything I own with glitter.  I would much rather be given a bone for my dogs to chew on.  It will make me smile and I will know that you "get" me.  The exceptions are cards that are exceptionally bizarre (like it was given to you by a vagrant last Valentine's day and has a picture of the queen mum on a trampoline), cards given to me by my sister (who truly has a knack for finding the bizarre), hand made cards, or a scrap of lined paper with something meaningful written on it.  

Friday is grocery day, and happened to coincide with V-Day this year.  As I walked into the store, I noticed a stand that had once contained bouquets, but the selection was now reduced to two bunches of very sorry looking flowers which would actually be an insult to any woman receiving them.  There were now a good number of desperate looking fellows swarming around anything that looked like it had once been a plant.  One poor sap had chosen a heart-shaped box of chocolates and an Easter lilly for his beau. 

 Personally I prefer a bag of flower bulbs that I could plant in Spring.  Executed flowers just don't say "love" to me.

So what is an acceptable V-Day gift for this grouch?  Hubs nailed it with BBC's Life in Cold Blood.  A year from now I will still be enjoying lizards while all of those dead roses are in a landfill.  
And now expressed as a mathematical equation:

We also purchased our hitch, which is the last item to check off before we can leave.  We chose a ProPride 3P hitch, and nothing says "love" to me like a hitch!  

Hubs also took me out for sushi, so it was a perfect Valentine's day all around. 

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